the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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