i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
