AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
