i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dick very happy bro
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
