my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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