My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
