i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
