I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
