I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
