I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
