Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
