Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
