can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
