I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
