my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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