What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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