i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
