Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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