so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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