I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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