dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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