i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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