I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
