Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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