haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
