I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
