i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
