I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That accounts for only three of the penises
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
