Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
