dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
