i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
