Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
