I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How drunk are you?
Completed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
