my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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