I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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