I love black thongs
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
