Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
