I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
