I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
