I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
