Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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