honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
