i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
