I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
