my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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