Need sex. Gaining weight.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
