Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
