talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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