So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
