Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
