Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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