It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
