Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
