i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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