i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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