I am puke
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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