So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize