Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
