So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
