I must be too annoying 4 u.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
